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LOST IN SPACE-The Toymaker, Mutiny In Space,


Chase - Posted on 04 October 2009

THE TOYMAKER

WRITER-BOB AND WANDA DUNCAN-whew, it has to be cute.

DIR-ROBERT DOUGLAS

 

NARRATION: Last week, as you recall, we left Will, Dr. Smith, and the Robot investigating an alien machine, unaware that within its depths lurked an incredible array of monstrous, mechanical toys.  

TEASER-NOT fully recapped--different shot as they cross the fissure, allowing more of a look at the crossing and the larger rocks...

 

Will and Smith cross the fissure, large rocks also rising out of it and giving them footing, Will helping Smith by going first, holding his hand, and letting him put his hands on his shoulders. Will helps Smith down from the rock. Smith says, "Another of those intergalactic mail order catalogs--from which one can order anything in the universe."  Robot says, "Warning! Warning! Hazardous area. Return at once Will Robinson! The fissure you crossed is filled with hyper atomic matter."  Smith calls him a cackling coward. Robot continues, "The machine also is dangerous."  Smith says, "Nonsense. Will is very good with machines."   Trying to get a gift for his sister's birthday, Will makes some kind of vehicle--a bike motor car roadster appear (Model Number something like DE 471 and red) on the screen. Suddenly, the machine starts to spark and shakes. Smith yells, "Turn it off!!!"  The sparks and shaking continue and blasts occur. Fire hits the TV screen. It goes out. An old bicycle wheel pops out of the machine to Will. Smith calls the Robot's moral poetic warnings asinine axioms. Robot tells him, "With you, Dr. Smith greed conquers all."  Smith says, "I'll attend to you later, you advocated armor bearer."  Smith wonders if he can get money. Will has his arms crossed now, reminding Smith they are supposed to be looking for something for Penny. Smith wants to test it first--maybe a new coat. He gets a Raggedy Ann doll picture to appear on the TV screen (which has fake looking wooden nailed planks on it when it doesn't have any item on it ready to order). Smith starts pushing levers and buttons, then all the buttons at once. A blast and all in one shot, Smith is gone and his face is on the screen as a picture--he is now an item. Will yells, "The machine's got Dr. Smith! You gotto help me get him out!"   Robot says, "There is nothing we can do--Dr. Smith is gone!"

 

ACT ONE

Outside the Jupiter II, with a tool kit, Penny watches as Maureen uses a tool to try to adjust or fix the auto cleaning-laundry machine. We hear more of the wonderful NOBODY music. Will runs to them with Robot, "Dr. Smith--he pushed a button on an old android machine and it kinda swallowed him up."  Will asks where Dad and Don are. Maureen tells him that the seismograph said a potentially dangerous fissure opened up in the area. Will explains he found the fissure. Penny starts in on Will, "You know what Dad said about those alien machines..."  Will doesn't care about that...only in getting Dr. Smith who is in some other dimension now. Maureen orders Penny to, "Keep an eye on your brother."  She leaves. When Will tells Penny that Dr. Smith can be ordered from the machine like merchandise from a catalog, Robot laughs. Will is angered by his laughing, "How can you laugh when anybody can buy Dr. Smith!?!"  Robot tells him, "I was bought. It is not a bad way to go."   Will turns back to Penny, "You're different. You're just a machine."  Robot says, "Oh, I see."  He wheels off. Will tries to follow, "I'm sorry, Robot, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."  Will wants to return to the machine to try to get Smith out. Penny tells him she was supposed to keep an eye on him. Will tells her to come along, then she can. He helps her across the ravine of smoke. Will turns on the machine and sees a wood structure on the TV. He manages to get a British toy soldier. John (holding a device for readings) and Don (with ear phones) are looking for the fissure when Maureen comes upon them, telling them what happened, "Something dreadful has happened. Dr. Smith has been trapped in an android machine."  When they don't seem that upset by this, Maureen tells them, "This time it's different. This one is an old abandoned machine."   Don tells her a lot of things are different this time--the explosive fissure that opened up last night is widening and it could reach the core of the planet. John tells her it could blow. Don adds, "And we can blow with it."  Maureen says, "But Will found the fissure. It's right by the android machine. I left him back at the spaceship."  Will gets a large ball on the android machine screen. Robot, nearby, warns, "Warning! The machine is becoming overheated."  Will panics, hitting buttons, then all buttons at once, causing a blast, and at the same time, his cartoon-like picture appears on the screen. Penny screams, "Will!"  Robot yells, "Penny! Do not go near that machine! Electrical explosion imminent!"  There are blasts and sparks! Penny yells, "The machine has him too! Will is in the machine! No!"

 

ACT TWO

Will is in a strange, dark place, near odd toys such as a monkey, a joker face, undistinguished mannikin type figures, and all different shaped toy soldiers, mostly the old fashioned British type. "Dr. Smith? Boy, where am I?"  He hears a scream (which will later be used as Uncle Angus in THE ASTRAL TRAVELER). He walks on but a toy soldier puppet grabs him. "Let...hey! Let me loose! Let loose of me! Let me loose!"  An very short old man with a small moustache, glasses, and a work overall on, comes and blames Will for breaking his machine. Will tells him, "The machine kinda grabbed me."  This man thinks Will is a toy and asks if he bites. With is powered tipped cane, the old man releases Will from the grip of the toy man. He takes Will off, complaining that he doesn't like dawdlers. John takes out the last of the machine's burned out wires and cinders with the Robot, who figures the machine works on a fourth dimensional process. Don finds the fissure is hotter and will go in 24 hours time. A charge to set it shut (?) will also blow up the machine. Robot warns about moving the machine--it could destroy it. John figures they have no choice but to get them out of it within the 24 hours. The old man tells Will children order toys from in the machine. One orders a construto kit which he ran out of 50 years ago. Nearby Will and the old man are giant toy elephants, a deer, another monkey, a gorilla with guitar. Children near Orion order the kit. He sends them something else. Will tells the old man, "I'm not a toy--I'm a boy."  The old man tells Will he has had lots of names--Boy, Young Man, Sir (in his prime), now that he is retired--Old Man. He prefers OM. Will says, "Yes sir,"  and shakes his hand. They pass a cage within which is a wind up toy monster--all brown-black fur with a wind up key in its stomach and with two horns (a monster we've seen in THE KEEPER teaser). It roars. Mr. OM tells Will it has been winding itself up. Smith calls Will who runs to him. OM calls that there are dangerous toys in that area and tells him to be careful. Will finds Smith on a vertical work table. A mannikin hangs next to Smith, half done, its face almost finished. When OM tells Will this toy (Smith) bites, Will asks, "You won't bite any more, willa Dr. Smith?"  OM wants to ship Smith to a planet in Andromeda where the children love animated toys and are 75 feet tall. He needs to touch up Smith's faded color and looks for the right color among Martian mold, Gamma green, Orion orange, Radion red. Will and Smith talk about this dilemma; to Will, Smith asks, "Who would take care of you?"         

 

Night--Penny is on a couch in front of the Jupiter II, crying as John tries to get out of her exactly what happened to Smith (BUT SHE WAS NOT THERE). She tells him about Smith pressing the buttons at once as if she were there. John then asks about Will. She tells him Will was so upset about Dr. Smith that he started doing the same thing--pushing all the buttons at once. John tells Penny that it will be alright, "...I promise you that."  He takes her up the ramp for her to in and get some rest, passing Judy, who tells him, "I'll stay with her just in case she needs me."  John thinks that is a good idea. Judy asks, "Dad, we will be able to get them out, won't we?"  John says, "We'll get them out."  She goes in and he goes to the table where Maureen and Don ready what he will need. He tells them he is going to take the Robot and go in after Will and Smith. Maureen hesitantly says, "Alright John."  Holding a modified second season laser gun, John says, "Don't worry, darling, we'll get them out."  OM watches Will eat an apple and Smith eat bread, what might be grapes (?), and an apple. Smith asks for a drink and when OM goes to get some, Smith tells Will they should leave. Will shrugs, "Mr. OM isn't so bad."  Smith says, "He's mad as a hatter."  He lifts Will up and they leave. OM returns, claiming he's been far too trusting. He lets out his toy wind up monster from the cage door (which rises upward) and winds the key. We hear THE DERELICT blob monster music (and other snatches of that brilliant soundtrack later on). The monster roars and OM sends it off, "After them, after them, after them!"  He holds his ears from the roar of the thing as it shuffles off.

 

ACT THREE

Will and Smith are in a new area. Smith tells Will, "Never fear Smith is here, I've never been lost in my life."  They pass a frog toy which frightens Smith. There is also an old phonograph, a giraffe, a cow toy, and other strange objects about. In a creepy scene, Will hears shuffling noises as the wind up toy runs down a bit and then rewinds itself, sneaking up on the pair. Smith does deep breathing exercises. Will yells, "Dr. Smith, lookout!"  They run as the monster lurches at them. John lowers plastic explosives on a three poled rig and maneuvers them via Don's directions into the fissure. John briefs Robot who asks if he is needed to go along. John says, "Now we're gonna go into that machine, find Will and Smith as quickly as possible and get out, is that understood?"  Robot says, "Yes sir. Warning! Warning! Alien aircraft approaching!"  Wind blows John and Robot as a red streak of light streaks across the star filled sky. Don pulls his laser rifle at the arriving alien--Zumdish! Zumdish tells him to put that away, "There's no other reason I would come to this desolate planet again."  He introduces himself. John patiently and almost amused, says, "We've met before."  Zumdish doesn't have time for pleasantries. He is now in the demolition department of the Celestial Department Store (CDS) and needs to do away with the machine. Don says, "Listen friend, two of our people were taken by that machine and we intend getting them back."  Zumidish tells them renegades are using the old machines, hundreds of which are scattered throughout "these planets."  John tells him he is going into it. He, Don, and Zumdish cross the fissure to look at the machine. Don asks Zumdish if he knows an easier way to get them out. John blocks the machine from Zumdish when he wants to destroy it. Zumdish takes out a note pad and notes he was met with belligerence. He will confer with the head of the security division and leaves, popping to the Robot as he passes the mechanical man. Robot pops back, lighting up his mouth section. Will and Smith run amid DERELICT music. Will suggests they hide and Smith tells him Zachary Smith hides from nothing. They hear the roar and run. Smith says, "The final indignity, that I should meet my fate at the hands of a wind up monster!"  They enter a new room and go past wooden flats. They see wood blocking a door of some kind and a window, almost like a store front (but we cannot tell that it what it looks like until the fourth act). Will takes boards off and in the darkness beyond sees lights from a city. Below is a parade and it is night. Christmas music plays. Will smiles, "It's Earth, Dr. Smith. We've found a way back!"  Smith joins him in looking, "Oh joy, oh bliss."  Smith notes that they are celebrating Christmas. They take more boards off but the toy monster comes. Will grabs a pole and sticks at the monster, then tries to drive it into it. OM comes and uses his cane to make the pole vanish. The monster doesn't do anything he doesn't tell it to do and he never tells it to harm or hurt anybody. The monster has webbing between its horns now. Will asks, "Is that really Earth out there?"  OM tells him it is and that it is no Saturn and must be Earth--congested place that Will wouldn't like. Will says, "That's where my family and I started from--that's home."   We hear the rare, sad music from RETURN FROM OUTER SPACE. Smith says, "So near and yet so far."  The toy takes Smith out. OM asks if Will promises not to runaway. Toys are irresponsible. Will (a rabbit toy behind him) looks out the portal. Later, the toy monster has his hand on Will's shoulder as Will mops the floor. OM paints circles on a tied up Smith's cheeks and nose. Smith tries to get OM to send him to Earth. OM doesn't charge for any of his toys. Will is done mopping but OM tells him to clean the work bench. Will protests--cleaning the bench will mean having to mop the floor again. OM tells him work is a cure for unhappiness. Will cons OM into dressing Smith like a clown and OM sticks a clown hat on Smith, then leaves to go find his clown suit for the "toy"  Smith. Will unties Smith while Smith says, "It's no use, William, I know what you're trying to do--it won't work."  Smith tells Will to get the key from the monster. Will whistles and moves over to the monster, who doesn't suspect anything. Will pulls the key out as the monster makes a grab for him, suddenly realizing what Will is reaching for. It roars but freezes. Will runs. Smith dreams of the next ten minutes and of being back on Earth. The monster's last roar scares him. Don times John as John is about to leave. John tells Don to hold off the aliens. Don has a little surprise for them if they return. John readies the Robot who says, "I do not feel well."  Robot doesn't want to go. NOTE: Robot may be  more cowardly due to hanging around with Dr. Smith. John forces Robot to activate the machine. Robot vanishes and his entire body is on the screen--another cartoon like drawing. Don shakes John's hand, "John, good luck."  John grabs the machine and vanishes, his face now a cartoon on the screen. It vanishes and Don sees the wood. Zumdish talks to a big Security Guard (also from THE ANDROID MACHINE), "He really leaves us no choice. Get him away from the machine. If he resists, disintegrate him."  The Security Guard moves at Don who threatens to press the plunger down on the explosive timer.

 

ACT FOUR

Zumdish notes, "ANOTHER radioactive fissure."  He also recognizes the plunger Don is using--remote control detonator A-99--"primitive"  he tells Don. Don says, "But effective."  It is enough to contaminate Zumdish's spaceship if set off. Zumdish gives him ten minutes and pops. He and the guard leave. Don relaxes a bit. John and Robot are in the toy machine. A toy soldier puppet grabs John from behind as John is about to give demanding orders to Robot, "Get him!"  Robot shoots his electric bolts at the toy and it drops, letting John go. Robot tells John, who wants to check his warning circuits, "I am not programmed to warn against wind up dangers."  John says, "Come on."  As Will opens more of the boards, hitting upon one that won't budge, Smith dreams, seeing a small cafe on the other side. They hear band music. Smith dreams of stake and mushrooms and of getting help for Will's "...dear family...in due time." He plans for their arrival on Terra Firma. Will asks for Smith's help again. Smith begins to help, "Very well dear boy, stand aside."  They hear the monster roar. Will thinks maybe Mister OM had another key. Will finds a window of some kind on the other side as they get the wood off totally. OM arrives with the monster. Will opens an old fashioned door of some kind. The toy monster grabs Smith, "Spare me!"  It takes him away. Will could have gone through the open door but doesn't. OM can't stand whiny toys (Smith). OM wonders why Will didn't go through the door even though Will, whom he thinks is a toy, really wanted to. Dumbo, stupid moron, OM shuts the door and won't let Will go. He says, "Only the pure of heart can open the door between the two dimensions--not a toy."  He finally realizes Will is a boy. Will says, "Yes sir, I'm a boy."  OM is happy now--his "prayers have been answered."  Will will stay to be his helper. Will says, "I can't stay. I have to get back to my family and Dr. Smith."  OM tells he will have his way and Will will stay. What OM says, will be. Stubborn, selfish old dope. You gotta hate him. OM hears an alarm. He uses his cane to make things stationary and pulls Will out of the room past giant toy soldiers and other toys. Robot whistles in the dark (and in the dark we see his mouth area lighting up--a rather nice effect in the dark as we cannot see all of him). John asks what he is doing. Robot tells John he is whistling, "I do not like dark places."  Watching from behind toys, OM makes a white barred cage appear around them. Robot cannot blast out. OM confronts them and finds out the Robot is not a toy but powered by solar cells (not all the time-see TRIP THROUGH THE ROBOT). OM feels he is out of touch since he did know about toys that do not work by being wound. John tells them he can arrange for him to have all the solar batteries he needs if he lets them out. John looks around at the toys, "Why these toys are marvelous."  OM made them out of flotsam and jetsam. John says, "They retired you when you could do wonderful work like this."  John cons OM and tells him he can't promise anything but will see to it he gets his own workshop. Zumdish and the Security Guard arrive outside the machine and to Don. Zumdish makes the detonator vanish and the guard grabs Don away from the machine and the laser rifle away from Don. Don yells, "You can't do it--they're still in there."  Zumdish tells him they will have a few minutes before his vacuum activator destroys the machine. Robot tells John, "Warning! Warning! A vacuo activator has been placed on the machine."  Will arrives with Smith as the place shakes. OM is confused but gives in to Will's demand to let John and Robot out. The cage vanishes. OM wants to sit and think. John tells them they haven't the time. They go to the giant TV screen-like area. Robot is trying to work it. The sound builds (FANTASTIC VOYAGE shrinking sound effects) and there are blasts. The place shakes badly this time. John grabs Will around the waist as they shake. Dust falls on Smith. Robot says, "The circuits do not compute."  OM makes Will put his hands on the frame. Will vanishes. OM points to Smith, "You, you, you're next."  Will appears outside, dizzy, and rubbing his eyes. He wanders over to a rock as Don tells Zumdish to turn it off. Zumdish says, "It can't be turned off."  Smith and Robot appear. Don asks, "Where's Robinson, you gotto Robinson out."  OM and John will leave together, OM puts his hand on John's shoulder as John holds the frame. They appear outside. John is not dizzy as the others were. He tells Will, "Go back to the ship and tell them we're back."  Will leaves. When Don asks who the man is, John tells him, "A very nice old man and our salvation...I think."  After all move away, the machine blows up. Don reminds John they have to get their detonator back. John tells Zumdish this man was the only renegade--he operated all those machines. John cons Zumdish by wanting to set up a factory for the man and John asks OM to give them a demonstration. OM thinks he has an instant toy; John says, "You think?!"  OM finds one and drops a pellet into the sand and covers it with dirt. A toy house appears after he waves his cane over it. John bargains for OM as Zumdish wants exclusive rights. Zumdish asks, "We retired him?"  OM, as usual, has to repeat a thousand times, "Nobody else did it therefore you must have done it, you must!"  Zumdish says, "Heads will roll for this."  He gives OM a full reinstatement and a top salary. OM wants to go back. Smith arrives and starts to ask OM about being a business manager in his con artist style. Zumdish sees him, "You! Out! Out!"  Don asks Zumdish about the detonator but he will stop the fissure, saying, "We run into them all the time."  It just so happens he has a Model Five-12 Deluxe Plug in his spaceship which will work. Zumdish offers it as a free sample. Don smiles at his ranting and then at this. As they look over the fissure side, lowering the new plug--a round pointed upsidedown top device, John says it will never work--the fissure certainly isn't round. Zumdish explains that the cap will conform itself to any shape opening. The cap fits and the vapor will dissipate in a day or two. As Zumdish rants, he almost falls into the fissure but John grabs him by the lapels and holds him out. Zumdish and his Security Man leave. John looks over the edge, "Wrong again, Robinson. That crazy plug is going to work."  Don makes fun of Smith, telling him he would have given anything to see him strung up like a puppet. Smith tells him he made a charming toy and that his poisonous barbs fall on deaf ears. Smith leaves the two men to laugh at this. Geeky music enters us into one of the most embarrassing group scenes as it is Penny's birthday. Penny opens a present ---a doll but it is the new dress Maureen (or Judy or both) made for her old doll. Penny can't wait to see what OM made for her and it is a toy house which breaks--the chimney top falls off. Will says it is like everything else he made but it is the thought that counts. Will is wearing a leprechaun like brown hat. Penny feels this is the best birthday she's ever had--OH BOY! Robot sings in a deep voice (the awfully bad Bobby May), "Today is Penny's birthday. Today is Penny's birthday! We wish you many more."  The Robinsons chime in, sickeningly and repeat it over and over. Will's hat is almost knocked off as he turns his head and it hits Judy's shoulder. Don sings after a bit. Smith looks at him like he is crazy. Don nudges him in the side with his elbow to chime in, too. Smith, who can be sympathized with, says, "Oh the pain, the pain."  Don keeps nudging Smith over and over until it appears Smith will sing too. The sickening birthday song continues. BLAAYUCHK!

 

CLIFFHANGER: Will and the Robot (the Robot holding a test tube rack tied onto this claw) watch as Smith performs his rainmaking experiment near some rocks. Smith likens it to making pastry and is wearing a lab jacket. Robot figures they need nimbus clouds and low pressure. Smith calls him a jabbering Jeremiah. From a test tube Robot gives him and into a large jug, Smith puts trisodium phosphorus. He shakes it. Will smiles, "You sure have a mean shake, Dr. Smith."  Smith hopes the trajectory of his missile will land it on a mass of water vapor and the missile will explode causing instant condensation which will give them a vigorous downpour of rain. Will says, "We sure could use it."  Robot says, "Warning! Warning!"  Smith says, "Warning, warning, my foot."  Robot warns him to recheck his calculations. Smith says, "Oh fiddlety fie."  He calls Robot a dippity dunce who doesn't know enough to come in out of the rain. Smith climbs up the ladder to the launcher and almost falls. Will helps him and holds him up by touching his butt! "Careful,"  Will warns. Smith says, "Never fear, Smith is here."  He also claims Zachary Smith is the rainmaker. He puts the jug in the tube and he and Will go to the plunger. Smith says, "Ready on the left, ready on the right, ready on the firing line."  He fires into the cliffhanger music. Will looks up, "Oh no! I think it's headed for the Jupiter."  Robot says, "Will Robinson is correct. Your calculations are snafu, Dr. Smith."  Will runs. John, Don, Maureen, Penny, and Judy come out of the spaceship amid a missile roar. Don looks up, "It's going to hit the ship!"  John herds them all, "Everybody behind those rocks--quick!"  They all run behind rocks. Don helps Maureen down. Don peeks up with Judy as the missile blasts the weather reading device to bits.

 

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK SAME TIME SAME CHANNEL-red lettering since this is yet another explosion.

 

REVIEW: Oh hum. Humdrum. THE TOYMAKER was the better of the "bad" episodes of this season. It does have some charm to it. None of that comes from the annoying character of Mr. OM, who on first viewing may seem a bit warm and cuddly but who grates on second and future viewings. He is really not a sympathetic character at all, really. He won't let Will go back to Earth, nor Smith either. He has to be talked into letting John and the Robot out and also is so stupidly dumb as to have to be talked into letting them all out even as the machine is being destroyed. The first act and a half works rather well and some of the later scenes have some atmosphere--particularly any that do not have Mr. OM in them. What the deal with whistling in this one is--I have no idea--it is a bit funny though as Will and the Robot whistle at various times. THE DERELICT music is used. Lots of A VISIT TO HADES music used throughout. Also other goofy comedy music from the both seasons. After awhile one can almost predict which musical comedy cue will come next! It does get rather tedious. Also tedious: Smith uses almost all his old cliches and some new ones but mostly the same old tired ones over and over. Zumdish does add some welcome continuity but on the whole he adds very little. It was nice to see him again though. On the plus side, John gets to do something leadership-like for once and his banter with the Robot is fun; the other worldly ness of the other dimension was well done with the set well decorated and Will's first encounter coming through to the machine is nice. The lead in as Penny watches Will vanish is exciting, fairly well staged, and Will's walk in is darkly lit and atmospheric. The toy soldier attacks are well done. Even Don has something to contribute this time. Judy, Penny, and Maureen, as usual, are relegated to waiting back at the ship, worrying, and crying. Oh, and one of or both of the two older Robinson women, prepare the doll dress for Penny. The CDS was underplayed as a menace, at least here. It could have been very scary or at least, thoughtful if it was a business that cared less about people and more about profits and output and input and all that. Business first. The aliens representing this all powerful company could have thrown their weight around so much that many feared them and their menace as Men In Black suits would have worked from a darker angle. All we get is Zumdish and his guard.

 

 

MUTINY IN SPACE-the second to worst episode

WRITER-PETER PACKER-head for the hills!

DIR-DON RICHARDSON-some team these two guys made!

 

NARRATION: Last week, as you recall, we left Will and the Robot working with Dr. Smith on his rain making device, unaware that they were soon to be shanghaied on an incredible voyage through outer space.

 

TEASER-not fully recapped--

 

Smith puts the jug in the tube and he and Will go to the plunger. Smith says, "Ready on the left, ready on the right, ready on the firing line."  He fires into the cliffhanger music. Will looks up, "Oh no! I think it's headed for the Jupiter."  Robot says, "Will Robinson is correct. Your calculations are snafu, Dr. Smith."  Will runs. John, Don, Maureen, Penny, and Judy come out of the spaceship amid a missile roar. Don looks up, "It's going to hit the ship!"  John herds them all, "Everybody behind those rocks--quick!"  They all run behind rocks. Don helps Maureen down. Don peeks up with Judy as the missile blasts the weather reading device to bits. John says, "It missed the ship but I don't know how."  Maureen says, "A little bit of luck. It smells like someone blew out ten thousand candles."  Penny says, "I think it smells like the fourth of July."  Don says, "Well if you ask me, it smells like Smith."  Don smells hydrochloric acid. They figure it is some of the same ingredients they had in their lab. Will comes, "Did anything happen? Oh, I see that it did, well, that's the end of Dr. Smith's rainmaking experiments."   "And the end of Dr. Smith."  Will was to ask them if it had been raining. John says, "Well, as you can see, it has been raining--it's been raining flak! Why, it's a miracle none of us were hit, or the ship."  Mad, John tells Will he wants to see Smith and now. Will doesn't think he will come. John says then he can stay out there until it really rains and then some. John and Don leave. Maureen pats Will, "Oh, there now, Will, don't worry about Dr. Smith."  Smith feels wetness on his hand. Robot tells him it is cold sweat. Smith takes off his lab coat and calls Robot a nattering ninny, "Spare your feeble attempts at humor."  Robot says something about the best laid plans of mice and Smith. Smith comments to Robot who mentions gambling, "Betting is vulgar."  Smith only wanted to help this time. He thought he saw a shadow on the rocks. He and Robot go around it into an extremely large long shot (not seen for some time). They find an old wrecked angular spaceship, decked out like an old fashioned ship (but not outlandishly so and not as bad as some of the interior and of some of the later silly pirate ships as in PRINCESS OF SPACE). Behind a rock watching them is a large man in an orange Admiral's outfit and hat, "Par my soul, what extraordinary creatures."  Smith thinks the poor devil from the spaceship was sucked out into space when the hull split apart. The Admiral figures that is a reasonable deduction but not entirely true. Robot asks, "Are you planning a get away, Dr. Smith?"  Smith tells him, "Mind your manners if you intend to keep your friends," and also uses another cliches, "Hold your tongue."  Smith touches a white bubble like device on the vehicle and an alarm sounds. The Admiral says, "Fugitives or castaways from the look of them."  He continues to TALK TO HIMSELF and states that he is not adverse to helping those that can help him. He will make mariners out of them, then shouts to a Mister Kidno of his revenge. He puts snuff up his nose and sneezes.

 

ACT ONE       

Judy and Maureen wipe the freezing tubes clean while Don and John work at a small portable table in the Control Room. All four avoid talking with Smith who tries to get them to. Smith prods Judy, "We were such good chums."  Smith even gives the Major permission to insult him but Don won't. Smith tells them this ostrasization is forcing him to remove himself. He asks for repair kit to fix the spaceship he has found. Don tosses it to him without a word. Judy starts to say something, "Dr. Smith, I..."  Smith looks up, "Yes, dear girl?"  Judy turns back to her work. Smith leaves. Maureen, Don, and Judy all talk at once but John stops that. Judy feels sorry for him but Maureen doesn't. Judy says, "Oh, poor Dr. Smith."  This makes John even angrier and he rants and raves, even saying, sarcastically, why don't they give him a party to show how much they appreciate his destroying their weather station. John feels Smith is incapable of repairing any ship he's found...if that is even true. "Until further notice poor Dr. Smith is off limits!"  He walks off and Don follows him. Robot is repairing the alien ship, doing a better gawking job than Smith--worried that if it is not done properly, Smith could not survive due to loss of adequate pressure. Smith calls him a Simple Simon, telling him the humanitarianism of the Robinsons won't allow him to leave--they will know he cannot repair the ship and will take him back. Smith must rest and the Admiral watches him leave. The Admiral from Cassiopeia (a real constellation)-is called Zahrk--takes off his jacket and finishes the job. Robot calls out, "Warning! Warning! Danger! Warning! Danger! Warning! Warning!"  He does this to alert Smith to come out of his cave. Smith calls him a bubble headed booby. Someone who is diminutive, active, imaginative, and inquisitive is coming their way. Smith says, "Except for the diminutive part it sounds exactly like me."  Before Will arrives at the alien ship, Robot and Smith get there first. Smith fakes working. Robot tells him what is doing is not honest. Smith calls him a dunderhead. Will arrives and can only talk to Smith through the Robot since Smith is off limits. Will cannot say the word ostracize so Smith provides the word. Will doesn't think the silent treatment will last too much longer. Smith won't allow himself to be a pariah. Will thinks the gawking job on the hatch is a good one. Smith wonders who did it, doing a double take himself. He asks Will to bring him an astro compass, pressure patches, food, and some fuel. Will goes. Smith throws the box down, calling Robot a presumptuous pipsqueak. Robot uses the word skullduggery. After the two leave, the Admiral comes out of the lower hatch raising it up, agreeing with the laddie about his job. A Mister Kidno, his first mate, cast him adrift and he will get revenge by tracking him. Night--Will comes to the alien ship with a bag for Smith. He climbs the metal ladder and goes inside. The Admiral grabs him and tosses him further. Will yells, "Hey!"  The Admiral closes the door.

ACT TWO

Will and Zahrk climb up to the helm area of what appears to be an old fashioned pirate cutter ship with riggings and all. Zahrk wants to cast off and makes Will a junior quartermaster or something. Will tells Zahrk he lives here with his family. Zahrk tells him he is now in the Cassiopean (an actual constellation) fleet, calling Smith his grandfather. Will says, "If you mean Dr. Smith--he's not my grandfather."  Zahrk puts his hand on Will's head and makes him volunteer himself to the fleet. He then uses a megaphone to give orders. The ship is supposed to be taking off but it doesn't. It merely shakes. Zahrk mutters something about another ship or planet or star called Vethisis or something (?) but Will tells him they are still on the ground. The Admiral sounds as if he says, "Damnable incompetence."  We hear some sappy sea-ship type music which is run throughout this episode. The controls and seats of the ship shake and smoke. The chronometer has minor damage. Zahrk dines--the roast was cooked by Mom for Dr. Smith. After Will serves Zahrk, he backs away as the man rants on. Will runs and gets out the hatch. A cuckoo bear comes out of the chronometer. Maureen and Judy come up the elevator in the Jupiter II control room, having just put Will to bed. Maureen told him to save his wild stories for the morning. Don says, "Let's see now...an alien spaceship, a rough tough Admiral who shengheighs children, a Dr. Smith who can't be found, let alone a Robot."  Maureen tells John that Will claimed to find the ship in the Rock Canyon area. John asks about it but he claims they can see the rocks on the scope alright but no ship. Maureen smiles, "Something tells me you're planning to investigate."  John wants to check out Dr. Smith's story about a ship, certainly not Will's about an Admiral. Judy asks, "Aren't you even the least bit curious about Will's story?"  John isn't; just amazed by Will's imagination. The four move off. John is a dope. NOTE: After encounters with a space circus and magician, a green girl, a knight in armor, and any number of other bizarre and outlandish aliens, monsters, and characters, John refuses to believe in a space Admiral!!! John is a dope here. So are the rest of the adults--oddly enough Smith is less stupid here than any of the others--he didn't really cause the accident on purpose or for some greedy reason--he truly was trying to help.

 

Morning--Don and John examine the alien ship. Don found a burned out propulsion unit and devices, less than half of which he was familiar with. John found a lower deck that could have been a crews' quarters. John feels Smith's not going anywhere in this ship. Don tells John he owes Will an apology since that part of the story checks out but not Smith (why not? Smith didn't mention an Admiral but Will did--Smith's story sounded more true even if he lied about wanting to take it into space). Don has an idea on how to fix Smith. Don is a dope, too. Smith comes out of the cave, telling the Robot his back hurts from the hard bed he slept on. Smith wants food--that is what serves the inner man. He sees a propulsion unit at the alien ship with a note: "With compliments from the Jupiter II--Bon Voyage."  Smith asks Robot if this is one of Will's jokes. Robot indicates the handwriting is Major West's. Robot laughs; Smith calls him a hardware hyena and a snickering cinderbox. Zahrk comes to Smith and asks about Will, calling Smith by the name of Mister Spindle Legs. Will Robinson, Robot tells him, is in the safety of the bosom of his family. Zahrk is sorry--he could have made a man out of him. Zahrk is impressed with the resourcefulness of Mr. Spindle Legs when he sees the propulsion unit and orders Smith to take it aboard. Zahrk notices Spindle Legs seems afflicted by unwarranted concerns for his own safety. Robot tells Smith, "That does not compute." 

 

Morning--THAT MORNING or ANOTHER MORNING is anyone's guess. Will comes to the Admiral, "Hi Admiral,"  he says and asks about Dr. Smith. Zahrk tells him to climb the rope rigging which Will does. The Admiral takes out a control box and switches it on. The rope ladder goes up by itself into the door. We hear Will's cries, "Ahh, oh, uhhh!"  The door shuts. Zahrk climbs the metal ladder and goes into the other door. He calls to Kidno that he is on his trail. He blasts his ship off into the sky.

 

ACT THREE

Penny sees the alien spaceship in the sky--a rocket shape. She runs into the Jupiter II from the ramp. She finds Don, Dad, Mom, and Judy looking at it on the radar. John still claims Dr. Smith couldn't have gotten that ship to work. John can't understand it. Penny fills him in on what Will told her about the Admiral. Will was afraid the Admiral would shenghigh Dr. Smith so he went out to warn him--and the dumb kid promptly went right into the ship himself! After already escaping once! Judy, Penny, Don, John, and Maureen run outside---as if that will help anything. Zahrk calls Will a plucky one, returning to the ship. I call it dumb and dopey. Zahrk will expect Will to write his mother at least once a week. When Will protests being kidnapped and he wants to go back, Zahrk says, "Fess up laddie, space is in your blood as it is in mine."  Zubarel Quadnobie is in the Southern Claw of the Scorpion (an actual constellation)---something Robot knows and tells the Admiral. Robot is steering the ship. We hear the FANTASTIC VOYAGE, Jupiter II sound effects in the background, low but evident. Robot is now quarter master and cooperating fully with the Admiral!!! Robot is a dope here too! Zahrk sends Robot below. Will takes the wheel, the Admiral telling him he is sturdy and dependable. Will is now made midshipman and will be first mate in a year or so. Zahrk plans to hang Kidno. The Admiral tells Will discipline is first. Will says, "My father's like that when we're in space."  NOTE: This ain't true! John lets Smith wander the Control Room in WILD ADVENTURE, doesn't watch them there or in THE GHOST PLANET where he heads them into a radiation belt, and generally runs such a loose ship as to not even really be called a captain. John really...well back to our episode. Zahrk sneezes and the wheel turns around and around. Will smiles. On the uncharted planet, Penny finds the Admiral's log book--which just happens to be out of the alien ship. She calls, "Dad!"  John comes and looks into the log. He hopes to get it back and decode it, "Let's get back to the ship."  Penny has a long braid in her hair with colored berets or clips or ribbons in it. On the lower deck of the alien ship, Will finds Smith working, blaming Will's family. Will tells him if he didn't make threats he didn't plan on carrying out, it is Smith's own fault. Smith wonders if the Admiral can get them back to Earth. He will try. He finds a chest of sailor's clothes. In the Jupiter II, John turns a page of the log book (an old fashioned log book--like an rigger's logbook from olden times on Earth) and re-puts it under the decoding tape machine. It decodes (gee, was it in another language or just written in another language or was it in some secret message code?). They hear the pompous Admiral who was seized and cast adrift in a space cutter--by his crew who were lead by Kidno. John figures the propulsion unit had magnetic drive and Don mentions it could run forever on a minimum of fuel (gee, why haven't they used it in the Jupiter? Is the Jupiter too big for it? Is this the same propulsion unit they tried in THE RAFT?). John wants to get this all clear in his head (GOOD LUCK THERE). Don says, "I don't know who I hate more--Smith or myself."   This quote isn't clear but it must mean Don is mad at himself that he gave the propulsion unit to Smith as a joke and calling Smith's bluff. Not much is made of this--THIS PREDICAMENT IS MOSTLY DON'S FAULT...WITH A BIG ASSIST FROM JOHN. Perhaps they wanted to get rid of Smith...and maybe Will and the Robot, too. NO, JUST KIDDING. On the alien ship, Smith, in a sailor's suit goes to the Admiral at the helm. Zahrk calls him Kidno, then Spindle Legs. Smith asks about the ship. They have a lock on Fontax or Phontax (a real constellation is Fornax--also known as the FURNACE--get it?). Zahrk makes Smith dance--it is required his crew be able to dance. Zahrk plays an accordion. A red fireball, a solar flare is on the port bow, a danger Robot warned the Admiral against. The ship shakes but Admiral moves a lever to steady it. He makes a pun about testing their mettle or metal--he will drive the ship through the solar flare at full power. There is more severe shaking now. We hear BLAST OFF INTO SPACE shaking music. Will climbs up the ladder and rail, shaking, "What's going on here? Where are we?"  Smith gasps, "He's headed us straight for that solar fire."  Will tries to get Zahrk to alter course but Zahrk rants and sneezes Will back into Smith near a ladder that hangs from the ceiling. The ship continues to tilt and shake. Will holds onto the ladder, "He's like a wild man!"  They sweat as it gets hot and the color red fills the ship. As the ship stops shaking for a bit, Smith pulls Will, "Shhhh. Come."  He takes Will off, unnoticed by the Admiral.

 

ACT FOUR

Robot's computers are dry and he talks low. Smith wants Will to find the guns and put on in the small of Zahrk's back. Zahrk puts the wheel on auto and wants Robot to keep on eye on that fellow below--he doesn't trust him. Admiral sneezes and clears the table off for dinner. Smith is on the lower deck, swabbing it. Robot is not programmed for mutiny. Smith calls him a nervous ninny. Robot has faith in the Admiral's navigational skill. John's device is powered by reverse magnetic drive which will draw Zahrk's cutter back. John orders Maureen on the scope; she orders the girls to turn on the radar power unit, all three run in. The negative drive will draw back the positive drive (WHAT? HOW? WHY?). They fire a beam. Zahrk finds bread which he gives some of to Will, after breaking it. He claims the will to survive is stronger than the need for food and water. Will doesn't mean to be disrespectful but explains how the crew gets ideas when the Admiral places them in jeopardy. Will suggests they go around the solar fire. Zahrk will protect Will but they must go to Fontax which is where Kidno is. Admiral checks his combination locked pantry where he has hidden some emergency rations--goat cheese. It is empty except for cobwebs. Zahrk and Will go to Smith who claims he answers to Spindle Legs under duress. Smith hides a pistol he found. Admiral is charging Smith with grand theft in space and orders him put in irons, at times, thinking he is Mr. Kidno. The Admiral orders Will to do it or he will throw Will overboard and hang him into space until he bursts his seams. Smith tells Will to do it and tells him where to find the gun. Will gets it as Smith claims to the Admiral that Will is a charming young man (!)(?). Will arrives and points the gun at the Admiral, "I don't really wanna do this, Admiral...!"  Smith gets behind Will and puts Zahrk under arrest. Robot says, "Warning! Warning! The ship is going out of control!"  Maureen sees it on the radar and tells John it is getting closer. WHAT? HOW? Did John's device already work? John and Don increase power. The flaring rocket that is supposed to be Zahrk's ship (IN THE SKY NO LESS) reverses. IS THIS WHEN THE DEVICE IS SUPPOSED TO WORK? If not, what is going on? How did Maureen see it get closer before that? Didn't the ship reverse before we saw it reverse? Or was it fighting the beam somehow? Not very clear. And frankly, who really cares? Will and Smith talk on the helm. Robot tells the Admiral they are flying backwards. Smith urges Will to put the gun in the small of the Admiral's back but Will gives the gun to Smith. Zahrk wonders why they are not near some place called Neo Plastmus or some such name. Robot says they are near Zubenal Junubi or some such name. They are near an unidentified planet. Smith comes out with the gun but the Admiral just ignores him. He orders half speed ahead and stand by to orbit. He calls down to the Robinsons through a megaphone (?!?), thinking they are Mr. Kidno and his pack of scoundrels and threatens to "blow you and your murderous gang to kingdom come."  Admiral doesn't realize about the mutiny. Don puts the forcefield on at John's order. Will tells the Admiral that is his family down there and Will will not fire at them on the command. Zahrk calls him an insolent pup; Will takes the wheel from Robot. Zahrk fires blasts through a cannon!!! He fires and fires and they all shake. Zahrk tosses Will off of him several times and into the wheel. We hear circus music as this slapstick farce continues. Robot announces, "The ship is landing."  The Admiral says, "Drat!"  Smith and Will shake hands, then shake hands with the robot--WHY? Robot, for no good reason, just followed the Admiral's orders--the traitor! John and Don get the guns. Maureen says, "Careful John."  John says, "Alright."   Zahrk lifts off leaving Will and Smith. Smith tells John he took excellent care of the boy. John says, "Offhand, I'd say he took excellent care of you."  Zahrk was in a hurry to get to Kidno. Don would've liked to have met the Admiral. He asks what's he like. Robot imitates Zahrk. Smith says, "Ohhh, button your bubble,"  also imitating Zahrk.

 

CLIFFHANGER: Will, Penny, and Smith rehearse a play. Penny stands on a rock and announces, "I am Freya,"  blah, blah, blah. Smith criticizes Penny's speech, spraining his neck, "Oh dear."  Penny talks of the spring, clouds, birds. Penny gets down, only having four lines is bothering her. She wants to be Odin. Smith tells her Odin is a male. Will says, "Yeah, I'm going to be Odin!"  Smith explains why he, Smith, should be Odin. Will says, "Naturally,"  in a sarcastic comment to Smith's natural proclivity to have all the best parts. He has long speeches which he wrote. Penny says, "You've written them all for yourself."  Smith tells them to stop quibbling, "The play's the thing."  They start again but lightning and wind hit, along with blowing leaves. Will says, "We better get back to the Jupiter, Dr. Smith, that looks like a cosmic storm!"  Smith thinks, at first, it is a storm he wrote into the act. Will runs a bit, holding onto Penny's arm and dragging her, then laughs when he turns back to Smith, "Maybe Odin's trying to prove that you're all wet."  He laughs. Smith calls him a young upstart, telling them that he is more than a match for Odin and the other mythological gods. Will pulls Penny off, calling Smith to follow. Smith falls to his knees, thinking the "gods" were offended by what he said. He sees a pair of grey-silver gloves come tumbling out of the sky at him. Will turns back, and then pulls Penny by the arm (again) back. The gloves appear on Smith's hands and start pulling him apart--he claims. He can't take them off--he also claims. The gloves sizzle and crackle and spark!

 

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK SAME TIME, SAME CHANNEL-red lettering.

 

REVIEW: Why bother? Pass. Bad, very bad. A load of rubbish. All of these comments come to mind when thinking about this episode. It is supposed to be a parody of MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY with Charles Laughton. Ronald Long is usually very good but here, he only annoys and doesn't even have any kind of real relationship with Will or Smith, which makes one appreciate Hans Conreid's Sir Sagramonte in THE QUESTING BEAST a bit more--at least he had some interplay with them besides blustering and yelling and ordering. Zahrk is truly a terrible character--dull, derivative, unoriginal, loud and obnoxious. John and Don act stupider than Smith. Maureen and the girls do nothing and add nothing and might as well not even have been in the script at all. Will is dumber than all of them, returning to the ship and going into it when the Admiral already took him prisoner in it. The Admiral doesn't realize he is back on the planet and is deluded throughout. The Robot just goes on over to the Admiral. If I were Will and Smith, I wouldn't have shaken his hand in the end--the Robot sold them out. The music is again, predictable, dull, and from other clown-ish episodes along with some equally comedic but unfunny tunes that evoke sea movies or sea feelings. The ship was a nice touch on the exterior but the interior is just black with ship decorations. Pretty tepid episode, definitely more boring than THE GREAT VEGETABLE REBELLION and worse. If not for THE SPACE VIKINGS, MUTINY IN SPACE would be THE worst episode. The show couldn't get any worse than MUTINY, right? WRONG, for now we jump into...

 

 

 

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